But really, this post is a little serious and is going to focus on my recent freak out. During my eating disorder I become obsessed with how much I weighed and what size I wore. Being my height and build throughout high school I had weighed roughly 130 pounds due to my high levels of activity ( I swam for both my school and a club team year round!) and had been a size 3-7 depending on where I was shopping and how active I was. Anyways, I never remember my weight being an issue and I pretty much ate whatever I wanted without really thinking about it. I know now I wasn’t eating all that healthy and at times I wasn’t completely happy with my body, but for the most part I was pretty content!
However, when I started losing weight I remember seeing the number on the scale plummet and since I had never been the girl who weighed in the 120s or below I was actually obsessed with keeping my weight very low because I felt that I was supposed to weigh in that range. However, obviously the numbers kept dropping and I was seriously undernourished, even dreaming about food because I was consuming so few calories. My hair was falling out, my teeth yellowing, my skin dry & dull, and no period for years. It was awful…yet every time I weighed myself i was happy when the number was lower than it had been the day before.
Since I have been in recovery I haven’t really weighed myself just because I know how much that number came to mean to me during my worst times. However, lately I had been feeling better and actually let myself look at the scale when my mom weighed me. I wasn’t even that freaked out after I saw it because I knew I was feeling healthier and happier, and that is what is most important to me now. Unfortunately I weighed myself this weekend for no reason and the number kind of freaked me out! It wasn’t like I had gained some crazy amount of weight, but for me it just seemed to be higher than what I had thought it was going to be. Monday I had kind of a bad eating day because I let the number get to my head, but then I was lying in bed thinking about things and I realized I can’t keep doing this to myself. My weight now is healthy and I am in no way fat or overweight at all! My hair is thicker, my skin glows, my teeth are whiter, and I have so much more energy than I did before! I can’t let that number get in the way of all the progress I have made and I am happy to say that I am not going to be weighing myself anytime soon! I am ready to love my body for what it is and what it does, not how much it weighs! I know that if I continue to live a healthy life and fill my body with nutrients and whole foods I will continue to improve my life and will be so much happier in the long run 🙂
Ok, so meals I haven’t posted yet…lunch yesterday
Easy, simple, full of protein, & kept me full! What more can you ask for in a lunch! Also, recently I have been trying to focus on keeping things pretty basic/simple. So less dressings/seasonings/etc. have been my goal and this meal definitely met those qualifications!
Dinner last night was boiled shrimp, an asian kale salad (with almonds/ginger vinaigrette, chives/& crispy wonton pieces), & some steamed carrots w/ a honey drizzle….I didn’t snap a pick because we sat down to dinner as a family last night and no phones or cameras are allowed, but the meal was delicious and very filling!
I also stuck to my planned workout last night, and was super glad I came with a plan because I know I would not have pushed myself that hard if I hadn’t! Unfortunately the stair climbers were occupied the entire time I was at the gym, so I made 10 min. on the elliptical work and then did some serious stretching last night at home!