Hey everybody! So, today has been a good day so far and I wanted to write a little about my journey trying to regain my identity during my recovery from my eating disorder. But first let me fill you in on my workout/dinner/& breakfast!
Workout last night went better than expected! I was feeling kind of crumby as I posted yesterday, but then I had a bagel think & cream cheese, lots of water, and got ready for a hard workout! When I got to the gym I was able to do my 50 min. workout, even going harder than I had planned at some points! I also did my ab routine and saved the squats for today because I was getting tired at that point. I typically get bored at the gym after like an hour, but can make myself stay for like an hour and fifteen or twenty minutes but that’s tops!
After the gym I showered and then prepared myself a super yummy quinoa caprese bowl! I basically took some leftover cooked quinoa and added in fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, and balsamic, mixing everything together for a super yummy dish!
I also snacked on some dark chocolate covered power berries from Trader Joes and some peanut butter/berries while preparing my lunch for today!
Breakfast this morning was a Special K Yogurt Parfait…
Which was a contained of Trader Joe’s Mango flavored greek yogurt, topped with a scoop of Fage 0% Plain greek yogurt, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and some Vanilla Almond Special K cereal for some crunch! I have been trying to branch out and try some different breakfast options, because for the past few weeks I have been all about overnight oats!! haha anyways tomorrow I am thinking of trying out a bagel or oatmeal, so we will see if I can come up with a new fave breakfast option! If anyone has suggestions that are portable or easy to make using just a microwave and/or a toaster oven..let me know!!
Snack this morning was a banana, chocolate chip chewy bar, and vitamin water zero…just in case you were curious as to what my snacks are at work haha
Ok, now to the meat of this post…identity and how to be yourself in a world so full of judgment!
For me, during my years with an eating disorder I became a weird and different version of myself. Since I was consistently isolating myself, lying, and hiding away, I lost all sense of the person I was and the person I wanted to be. I let go of all of my morals and everything that was important to me. I was lying to my friends and family, so therefore they learned to not trust me and eventually even they did not care to be around me. I was hurting myself and then lying to make it seem like things were better than they really were. In all honesty I have never been more fragile, afraid, lonely, and confused as I was during those years.
However, as I have progressed in my recovery I have become more comfortable with the person that I am! I feel like I now know more about my positive and negative character traits and have tried to work on my negative ones to make myself a better person all around. I know I can be impatient, judgmental, a control freak, and sometimes insecure, but the more I try to stay aware of those characteristics, the more likely I am to catch myself when I start to display them.
I now try to be myself and have learnt that if others don’t like who I am, then tough luck for them! I am now more selective about who I am friends with because I have realized that there are only a few people who will really be there for me when the goings get tough! And I would way rather surround myself with people who make me feel good about myself, rather than have tons of people who don’t give a crap about me!
I have come to see that I want to be a person who lives a healthy life and is responsible and fun to be around. I try to help out others as much as I can and do kind things for no reason or without being asked. I try to keep a positive outlook on life and realize that no matter what happens there is always another day and another way to make things better!
If anyone is struggling with finding their identity or want to better themselves I would suggest making a list of qualities you admire in other people and then using that as a guide for yourself. But also remember that you are who you are and sometimes you have to find ways to make your personality work for you. Never be afraid to be who you are because the people who don’t like you are better off not in your life anyways!!
In conclusion, take a second to think about this quote…it really helps me in times when I am feeling down…
Enjoy and I will be back later with lunch and today’s workout agenda 🙂