Greetings everyone!

My name is Barbara and I am 23 years old, living in Long Beach, California. I started this blog as a sort of outlet to share my personal experience with having an eating disorder for 4 and a half years of my life. My story began when I went away to college…I was dealing with a bad break-up, being away from home for the first time ever, having to make new friends, living with roommates who I barely knew, and feeling the pressure to excel in all of my classes. I am sure most people who go away to college deal with very similar things and I am not sure what exactly it was that caused me to begin a very awful downward spiral, but by January of my freshmen year I began overexercising, restricting my food intake, and then eventually binging & purging.

Having an eating disorder has been literally the hardest thing I have ever gone through and it took years and years of tears, lost friendships, isolation, lying, and intensive therapy for me to realize that I needed to take back control of my life. And you know what it was a decision that I had to make for myself. It wasn’t until I fully committed to recovery that anything changed. I had gone to numerous therapists and nutritionists and doctors…and been confronted by family and friends…and yet for so long I was so entrenched in the disease that I was not hearing what anyone told me. I acted like I wanted to get better, but I took no steps to actually do so.

Finally after struggling for over 4 years I began to slowly regain control of my life. I read every self help book and eating disorder recovery book I could get my hands on and I started to reshape the way I saw food and fitness. Slowly my microwaveable dinners were replaced with meals full of fresh ingredients that I made myself. Slowly my fear of missing a workout turned into an appreciation for my body and an even better appreciation for rest days.

Now more than a year in total recovery, I have become the woman that I always wanted to be…though I appreciate my journey to get where I am today. The lessons I learned through my eating disorder have made me into an even stronger woman than I ever imagined I could be. I try to eat the best that I can and I accept that some days are harder than others. But at the end of the day I have regained a sense of self and I hope that my stories, pictures, workouts, recipes, and even my rants can help anyone who is struggling with any aspect of life.


12 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi Barbara. I struggled for a year with obsessing over working out and eating very little. It’s hard. I’m glad that you have found some light in your life and want to over come this. Looking forward to reading your blog. Thanks for following mine πŸ˜€

    • Thanks Lily! Your blog is so hilarious! I spent like an hour reading some of your posts yesterday and was literally crying I was laughing so hard after reading your “Carol” post! You are such a talented writer and I look forward to following your blog as well πŸ™‚ thanks for the warm wishes and hope your day is going well so far!

  2. Hi, I’m 32 and struggling with being underweight, yet binging bigtime late at night 😦 I never purge and don’t exercise and my digestion/hormones/metabolism a mess…..I feel so..alone and lost 😦 Feel free to email if you’ve experience with this…but most can’t relate to this binging and non-exercise, so…hard to deal.

    • Hi Dee..so glad you reached out to me! I think that though you aren’t purging…you are probably experiencing a lot of the same urges and emotions I was going through when I binged. I think the main things I felt at those times were vulnerable, lonely, out of control, lost, and confused. It has taken a lot for me to get past all of that, but once I began challenging my thoughts and growing stronger through not allowing myself to engage in those behaviors things got so much better!!! It takes so much self-control, especially at first…but maybe try and have people around you at night when you would go to binge or start reading a new book or watching a new show…or anything that can take up your mind for a long period of time! I had to have people around me at first to keep me accountable…so just take that into consideration and if you have any other thoughts or concerns feel free to contact me! Hope this helps you a little…and remember to never lose hope! Recovery, though not easy, is definitely possible if you put your mind to it!

    • It was definitely a combination of things. I had been to a intensive therapy program that really gave me the processing skills to begin my recovery, but it wasn’t until I was willing to commit myself 100% to getting better that I was able to take any real steps in that direction. I began by reading any book I could find on recovery and started eating small meals focused around fruits, veggies, whole grains, and some frozen dinners in order to make food into something that I felt good about. Putting on the weight was hard initially but once I started getting thicker hair, having more energy, wanting to go out and socialize, being able to run longer, regaining my period, and other positive effects took place it got a lot easier for me! There are definitely days I still struggle with accepting myself and my body, but I now know that being healthy makes me so much happier then being super skinny ever did!!

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